Devin Alexandrea Kennedy

Hope

Devin in her favorite color (turquoise)

Devin loved BIG sunglasses

Just gorgeous

Brooke, Devin and Me (The best shopping trip day ever!)

On this day two years ago, our family lost our special spark. My cousin Devin committed suicide on May 24, 2007. When most people hear someone committed suicide they think of a very depressed, dark, different loner. This is NOT at all the case with Devin. Devin was gorgeous, outgoing, funny and stylish. She was one of those people that when she walked into the room people were instantly drawn to her! She was athletic and anything that involved athletic ability she was good at -- naturally.

But Devin struggled with school. I don't mean she was one of the students that didn't turn in their work or was irresponsible. She was Dyslexic and struggled with school because of it. So do I. This is something that we shared together. We were very close and I tried to give her advice on dealing with it and I explained to her on several different occasions that eventually reading would come to her. It just takes lots of practice and patience in order to learn to read like other people. I was in college before I became a strong reader. She had told her mom only days previous to her death that I was her hero -- this probably because I over came an obstacle that she was struggling so much with. When I am tired it takes me three times longer to read or write something -- it just something that I have learned to deal with. Devin was like a little sister to me. The hardest part for me has been dealing with the fact that I didn't say some important words to her and those are --"There is NOTHING you can do or happen that is worth taking your life." I thought that was something that she knew because like many of us we all assume because kids like her are so loved that it goes without saying. Here is what I want EVERYONE to know NOTHING goes without saying. Granted we all know that it is no one's fault -- like her sister Alyson said, "This was Devin's decision."

Most you that are reading this blog are thinking, "There were signs our family missed." The answer to that question is "NO!" She was happy had done great at the junior rodeo days before that -- she had been anxiously awaiting a new pink shirt:) What happened to Devin was the scare or thought of losing control over what was going on at school. That day at school she had gotten in trouble for cheating on a book report. Seems like something small but Devin had been pushing the limits all winter and spring long -- but nothing more than what most teenagers do. No one knows exactly what happened at school to trigger such a terrible sequence of events but many of us think and feel that she thought she had run out of options.

When Devin got in trouble she made a command decision to go home and kill herself. This again was all within 45 minutes. She told a friend to tell Alyson that she loved her. And then told her friend as she walked out of the school that she was going to home to kill herself -- he thought she was being sarcastic. She proceeded to steal her sister's car and drive home -- we think while writing her suicide note. She got home cleaned herself up, so she would look nice when her family found her, got several of her favorite picture around her in a circle and then took her own life.

If Devin would have been at her funeral only days later all she would have said, "I am so sorry. What was I thinking?" Everyone that knew her was affected by her decision. People packed the little Condon, Oregon gym 1,100 people all. The hardest thing that I have ever done in my life was get up in front of 1,100 people and tell people how much I loved my 15 year-old cousin. But this was my last chance -- my last chance to be a part of her life. I will never hold her baby or be at her wedding -- this was every one's last chance. A rush of emotions filled me during the moments that I stood in front of that huge crowd first fear, love, sadness, loss, anger and plain old hurting. During her funeral several friends spoke and most importantly her mom (yes, I know unbelievable). Chris is unbelievably strong. Devin will be truly missed and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and how much we all love her and miss her. Devin's story must be told so that this sort of situation can be prevented in the future. We love Devin so much and one of the most important things we learned from this tragic family event that we always need to have hope. The bible verse that we keep close to our hearts is Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life

My point in sharing this on my blog is to help prevent this from happening to any other family. This isn't about me or our family. It is about sucide prevention.

Her and her sisters Alyson and Joely